Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Secrets of Motherhood (WARNING: THIS IS A LOOONG POST)

One of the SAHM perks for me is being able to watch Oprah! Yay. My favorite topics are the sexually confused, gender switching ones. I am oddly fascinated with those stories. When I was working I would hate that I would miss all the great topics she would have. So most days I get a chance to watch it or at least DVR it so I can catch it later. Monday was a show about the Secrets of Motherhood. They had several women on the show talking about how hard motherhood had been for them and how there was all of these things they didn't expect. Loneliness, resentment towards their babies or husbands, PPD, hating their husbands, not wanting to ever have sex again, thinking "Why did I do this to my life", Who am I?, all kinds of things. Listening to their stories I stopped folding the laundry and thought "What did no one tell me about motherhood? What did I not expect? What has been hard for me?" and I honest to God could not think of anything. I thought to myself. For me motherhood has been a completely wonderful experience. I mentioned in one of my previous post about how it's like Christmas morning every single morning. Even those morning's that he decides to wake up at 5:30, get in my bed and proceed to kick and scratch me while he sleeps (this has been his "new" thing) I still wake up feeling more complete then the day before.

Some expressed that when they became mothers they didn't know who they were and that they didn't realize all the sacrifices they would have to make. To me sacrifice should be a babies middle name! And since becoming a mother I feel like I now have more of an idea of who I am. Don't get me wrong, I do want to eventually do and be something other then Shawn's wife and Phoenix's mom. I have dreams and goals that I would one day like to see fulfilled and in action. But if this is all I ever get to be you know what? I'm happy with that. I'm settled in my heart about that.

Motherhood does have it's moments but never once have I ever said "What was I thinking? Why did I do this?". I've said it aloud before but only after hearing other women say that and I just wanted to see how it would taste on my tongue, and it tasted gross. It wasn't me, it wasn't how I felt.

I thought to myself as I watched "What am I missing here? Am I not doing such a good job, is that why I don't feel overwhelmed and like I've given up my entire life?" So I talked to Shawn about it that night and together we realized that the highly religious background we both come from had a lot to do with that. Where we come from higher education was not something that you as a girl you should seek out. The girls I knew hoped instead of being doctors or lawyers, or teachers and business women, they hoped to be wives of Pastors and mothers, and marry young. For me my family was different and although my parents married young, they never made us feel like that was all we should ever hope for. It was the other authorities in our lives, but growing up hearing that kind of thing prepares you to be ready and waiting for a certain thing. Your taught to strive to be a praying dutiful wife and and a loving, caring mom, a warrior for Christ and nothing more. So that's part of where it comes from for me.

The other part for me is my own mother. I'm the oldest of 8, and all growing up I never saw my mom get completely frazzled or fed up (with the exception of the time that my dad was out to sea and my sister and I knocked down her birthday cake...she was a wee bit upset and cried about that one. But we made it up by buying her Windsong perfume from the Dollar Tree). She took motherhood and all that came with it in stride. Oh she got mad with us, but I never felt like she resented us or regretted giving up a full scholarship to Temple University to be a mother.

I also have a tremendous support system. I have a husband (and I am not just praising him so he looks good on my blog) who is the most amazing father. He has great connection with our son, he's just as in tune to his needs as I am and he is always, always willing to help me whenever or however I need it. I have great parents who encourage me to be a better parent every day. Parent's who are willing to offer babysitting services and overnight stays so that I can sleep or get work done. And of course I have a housekeeper who helps take care of everything else. So maybe I'm in the minority. But I feel very blessed.

I hope I don't offend anyone by this post, or make it seem like motherhood is the easiest thing ever in life. For everyone it's different. Everyone has different challenges. Non supportive family members, husbands, financial problems, overwhelming work loads. But for me these are just my feelings about what motherhood has meant for me.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Alex,

    I came across your blog for the first time today and I love your writing. I can understand why a lot of mothers feel overwhelmed when they become a first-time mom because I am going through it myself. Unfortunately, I broke up with my boyfriend when I was pregnant and I am a single mother. The positive side is that I'm 30 ( I have enough life experience), am highly educated, have a good/steady job, and a small, but strong support system.

    I think because you became a mom at a younger age that your life experiences are different from a mom who may be older (30+). In my case, I've been living on my own since I was 17, lived overseas, completed university and grad school, and did extensive traveling. As a result, when my little one was born, I did go through a grieving period knowing that my life has changed forever.

    Even though the circumstances of my little one being created was not ideal, I do not regret being a mom (albeit a single one at that) for a second. I just wanted to give you a second opinion.

    Thank you for taking the time to blog and the courage to post your thoughts and life on the web.

    Cheers from Toronto!



Blog Widget by LinkWithin