The struggles in my marriage

Whenever I write in my blog I want to be as transparent as possible. Showing you all the good, and cropping all the bad pictures where you can still see a bit of baby bulge. But seriously in the vein of being transparent, I think it's fitting I share just one of my huge struggles.

Is it possible that without even knowing your husband can just slip away....? That the person you once had laying in bed with you cuddling at night talking about silly shit can be so far from you? The person who would hang on your every word and now he only responds with "Huh? What?"

I think this is happening....I think my husband is falling more and more in love with something or someone else more then me....

I think he's in love with his Blackberry.....



AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Shawn has a one track mind. On one hand that's a benefit in our relationship and in his career. For us, I know he can only focus on one women at a time so I don't worry there will be others. I know when he's working he has one goal in mind. He's got a lot of drive...But this can certainly back fire big time! Ever since I've known him he's had a love for his phone. Text messaging, emailing, calling people. His phone is always attached to him. But since he's started with this new record label I think he snuck off and had his phone surgically attached to his hand. He has phone conferences for HOURS! Last nights started at 10:30 and didn't end until past mid-night! God bless him, music is great and all, but come one! It's not like he's saving lives or anything!

The phone rings and beeps in the middle of the night. He never turns it off, he's never without it. He takes it into the bathroom and sometimes I wonder if he even slips it into a little baggie and takes it into the shower.

And to be fair...It's not just phone calls and text and emails. It's also web surfing. Ebay, allhiphop.com, CNN, Fox News, NY Times, etc. In fact instead of "winding" down at night and reading like a normal person he surfs the Blackberry web.

I had to kick him out of the room twice in the past 2 weeks because I'm trying to sleep and I all I hear a bunch of "click, click, click" as he "makes his rounds" as he says.

And I'm not the only one who notices it. Tonight he was supposed to be feeding Phoenix dinner and I looked over and he's typing away and Phoenix is tipping his food on his head. So I say "Hmm...teaching him to feed himself?" so he fumbles and finishes feeding him. Not 1 minute later Phoenix goes "Ma! Ma! Ma!" and I turn around Phoenix is peering around from his highchair calling me because Shawn has picked his phone up AGAIN! Phoenix kept calling me until I walked over, took the phone and hid it. Once I did that Phoenix started eating again.

I'm a Blackberry widow......